Me and my virtual myself !!

"Tell us something about yourself"- Take it from me that is the most difficult question one can face in an interview and if it is a stress interview like the one I had few days back it can be a real pain. People waiting to pounce on you as you try and describe yourself. We are so good at describing others. If 'we' is interpreted as Indians criticism is in our blood and we can go for hours talking about others. Now ask yourself-"Do I really know me??

Human beings discover the most important secret of their lives the day they get to know themselves. Truth is none of us know ourselves at all. Yes, we have a distinct opinion about ourselves which if questioned can be shaken till the very root. And in the quest of knowing and not-knowing ourselves we start creating the image of us in our minds and so much so that we are living in a virtual world today with little idea of what we are becoming and we have got avenues to define ourselves and create the virtual us.. Enter Facebook.

Ever wondered why the girl who looked so undoubtedly attractive in her FB display picture looks astoundingly different in life(By which I mean she has no attraction quotient) . Ever wondered why his girlfriend likes everything that he posts including all the pathetic shares and the worst of his photographs??? People have now a wonderful medium to show who they are actually not. In fact it won't be wrong to say that today's generation lives two lives-one in real life and another online. Trying to fulfill their unfulfilled ambitions of some form.

These days before a couple breaks up they block themselves on facebook/G-talk. Friends "un-friend " their so-called "friends" after a fight and one fine day the sun shines and they are friends again. Is this real??People somehow have grown to believe that what they show and behave in the online medium reflects their real selves but they are mistaken! It is making us what we ought not to be.

I agree that the world no doubt has become unreal and what you can show on paper counts more than what you can show for yourself. But never expected relationships going the same way! People pretending to be someone they are not. What is astonishing is people are defining their relationships through social networking sites and believing that is real. The immaturity people show is beyond comprehension at times.

Even I have a virtual me. The corporate world grinds you in a way that the same on-the-face 'me' tries to be diplomatic. The same 'me' which is so flamboyant keeps a low profile owing to circumstances. But the virtual 'me' which exists online is not the real me. I would have serious doubts in calling all the 'friends' I have in Facebook as my friends! For me friendship lies in the real me and my friends are there in a special place.

Solution?? Get offline for a while. Spend some time with your real friends. Then again you can fake yourself but atleast that 'faking part' will be the real you and you get a chance to understand who you are!

The price that we pay

And here I return...Not with a bang but with a shush...I got a not-so-nice review about my last post from someone whose review used to be really important-"There are so many grammatical errors in your post!!! ". I wish I could have understood the symptoms then. Now I know, the trouble isn't with my grammar..The trouble is with me, my surroundings and in a way all of us...And for all that trouble, my grammatical errors are just one of the prices we paid!

I look back and year 2012 has almost been the perfect year for me. So many of my close and not-so-close people have achieved heights. The list includes both my sister and Gautam Gambhir! My closest friend got through almost all colleges where the applications reached ! My neighbourhood aunty got her much awaited daughter-in-law against her son's wish, my father set his beloved garden just as he dreamt and my room-mate got the best review possible at job! Me?? I finally managed to quit my job and that is enough of an achievement for me... So why was I oozing with pessimism in the first paragraph?? Because as economics would say all this came at a price! Much of the price unfortunately was hidden...

Only thing which remains priceless today are the things portrayed at the last line of Mastercard commercials for the rest we have determined a price-Tipu Sultan's sword, Mamata Banerjee's painting and an IPL game we have decided the price of almost everything and we are buying. Strange but true! There was a price we all paid for our so called success whether in economic affairs, career or love life. Ask Manmahon Singh about the price he paid for 8% GDP dream and greater economic disparity is the answer. Ask Sachin Tendulkar the price he paid for his success and he will say never-ending public scrutiny/trial/finger-pointing everyday for 20 years... So what price are we commoners paying for our little successes??

In this constant run for success we often don't realise we are leaving things behind, things which at a point used to be so important to us. The son today doesn't have enough time to talk to his father but has hours of time to chat on phone because his girlfriend is his success. He doesn't have time to go out with family but will take out a few hours daily for Facebook, after all you cannot succeed in today's world without socialising. The hot-shot banker today will spend 12 hours at work, 2 hours at lunch/dinner with clients and he will rise at the cost of a child who waits patiently to see his father only to sleep off by the time he is back. Her mom would be her world before but now she is no-one, she has her great group of friends to rely on.

We are running fast and we want results. We are not thinking and hell we care about thinking because we are winning. We are getting our dream job, our dream colleges and that girl/guy we always wanted! Behind lies that old lady in school who taught me the basic addition so that we don't have problems in managing the millions in our bank. That Ramu-kaka who taught us how to walk, we don't even remember his face. That friend's marriage anniversary, we don't remember because Facebook doesn't show it so what he would save the few rupees of his pocket-money every day just to buy me a birthday gift. That old friend who took hours to teach us probability so that we get our dream , we don't need to know her as she doesn't fit in our high class society plus she is of no use now! Our ex-girlfriends who would always show us the hidden opportunities in the problems of life and would do so much for our single smile, but she is EX right?? We have a new one..

Want to turn-back? This success we are seeking is just a one way street and no about turns allowed. But you are allowed to stop and turn back to check what you lost. Most things you would see behind are the things featuring in the last line of Mastercard commercials-priceless!

Selfish?? Is that the term you used. Please don't be so lenient with yourself....

Sambhar Land through Rosogolla eyes- A Tamil Nadu story

Wait before we start, let's get it clearly..it's not T-a-m-i-l..It is T-a-m-i-rrrrlll..Keep trying, I didn't get it in six months of practice but in case you are a Bengali please don't embarrass yourself and the language by even trying!!!

I was extremely skeptical of settling down in Tamil Nadu and why wouldn't I be??Here Tamil is the only language people speak and work in. I was a typical Bengali who could speak Hindi..Tamil Nadu is at least 1800 kilometers away from my parents. People say language and cultures start changing once you travel 100 kilometers. This was a good 18 times multiplied!!! But that is how it is...The more you stay here the more you get to know the essence of the place. And I for one enjoyed looking into Tamil Nadu with my 'rosogolla eyes'!

At 5am in the morning people are ready and as fresh as freshly picked lilies out of a garden. Hardly anyone exists here who is not religious! Going to the temple is a routine not only for the old but for the young too! Temples here close by 9 a.m. I bet you would never have heard that in case you never lived here. This just proves the importance of doing things 'early' here. They will do it earlier than you imagine.Be it technology, innovations, passing out from college( most graduates are around 21 here) and of course the quintessential marriage !

They do things 'early' because of their never dying spirit! I have come across the hardest working people of my life here. People literally worship their work. Not surprisingly, the Chennai region has become the manufacturing hub of the country.

Are you under the impression that i am painting too rosy a picture of Tamil Nadu?? Well I will quell your doubts. Not everything is clean. Yes there are dirty public toilets here, there is dirt accumulated on the streets, there is corruption almost in every public dept but then the state had to do something to show it is an Indian state, right?

It manages to hold few dangerously bad things amongst all the other great things that it houses, Karunanidhi and Jayalalitha included. Today it is the centre of attention not only of the country but the world! Thanks to Marans,'Telecom' Raja and the tears of Karunanidhi which fell in Tihar Jail..While it celebrates the return of Amma to power it is fast losing it's national reputation thanks to hard bashing by the media..

But then again there are things which keep its flag flying high. One among them is 'Hotel Sarvana Bhavan' ( Yes, I am a Bengali who speaks about three things only-politics,food and Saurav Ganguly). It is a chain of hotels in Tamil Nadu (few outside) and it specializes in authentic Tamil food. Yes, you may not get the best but you will get better than the best. It is really a heaven you are a true foodie and you have a heart to accept good food from other cultures! The sambhar (yes, it isn't sambar) and the chutney can be awe-inspiring. Not only 'Saravana Bhavan' you get into any Tamil household and the 'Utthapam', 'rasam' they can just take you to places you have never been! Infact they will be my only friends during my stay here!

Enough about food, lets talk about the people who make them! People here are orthodox, yes, but that is what makes them different and it doesn't take away any sheen from them. I am a bit surprised by their resistance to Hindi. It just doesn't go with the kind of people they are. The women-folk and so many of them here would have shaved off their scalp hair! That is because they left them at the Tirupati temple! Needless to say that Lord Tirupati has delivered for ages now and the women don't mind losing one of their most precious things, their hair! It is because of these people that Tamil Nadu stills moves at a frantic pace desperately trying to escape the strangleholds of corruption...Yes,I am running behind them. I am running behind them with my 'rosogolla eyes' hoping to catch hold of that 'sambhar spirit'!

I see Red!

I was in the front seat and the bus suddenly stopped! I realized I was in the busiest crossing of south Kolkata. But I didn’t look up as I had no intentions of viewing the pole ahead with three different colours and symbols in four different directions as if it is exerting it’s control on my life and forcing me to believe that it prioritizes others over me…

This signal is invariably turning red again and again but that is not my concern but my concern is I’m seeing red! My interest in wave-optics forces me to tell you that we humans don’t see colours of the wavelength greater than red. So there is definitely a bit more to it when you go ‘red-faced’ as it is nothing but an extreme beyond which you can’t go. Guess what is it about ‘red’ which scares me the most? It’s extreme limit? It’s overwhelming control in my life? Or is it because ‘red’ also happens to represent ‘wrath’, one of the seven deadly sins as the Roman-Catholics believe? Frankly speaking I’m searching for the answers as I write this post!

Every morning as I head towards my college I see the roads littered with garbage, I stop by to get up in the rickety public transport buses which vibrate more than they move, when I see those forever-open water-taps on streets with streams of treated-water flowing down the drain I feel nothing but I simply go RED…

But how can I forget the contribution of this matrix called life? All the worldly problems that it gives, all the fingers that it points, all the question-marks that it puts, all the faith that it destroys , all the smiles which it takes away, all the false promises which it makes, all the warnings which it poses, all the times when it forces those tears…I know when you think of this you are bound to go RED..

In human color psychology, red is associated with emotions that "stir the blood", including anger, passion, pain, and sacrifice. So Kolkata turned red in those days of Naxalite movements of late 60s and early 70s as it did when it’s favourite son, Jyoti Basu died but the ‘reds’ were different. The communists had infact chosen the colour red as it represented ‘the blood of the workers’ which again reminds me of the other ‘red’ within me.

Apart from the five and a half litres of blood circulating within my body there is also something distinctly red or so it seems! It is the fire which is raging inside. The fire which has been ignited by this conspicuous life! It has always been a dragon and has spit fires in those very sensitive corners. Corners which didn’t deserve them..Burnt? Yes, maybe they are burnt forever! But at least I take pride that it hasn’t been a dragon and spit the fires raging inside on someone else. It is still burning all inside!

In the end among all other things which are indeed ‘red’ as I see some notable ones are champion teams like ‘Manchester United’, ‘Ferrari’, ‘Spanish football team’ and a host of others! They are indeed ‘red’. Hard to understand why but nevertheless they are CHAMPIONS! So there is light at the end of the tunnel..

But one question is still unanswered-Why are roses red??

The most wonderful thing about life is its termination...

Suicidal title isn’t it? What do you feel about it? Most certainly this statement is a manifestation of the thousand losses of a ‘born-loser’…Before I get going in my business of expressing views on another weird post, I would certainly want you to ponder over what life means to you! That is the only way we all can connect to something which might seem ‘not worth discussing’…….

It was 14th January at around 8pm and during a heated Group-Discussion class my teacher comes up with this supposedly ‘not-worth-discussing’ topic for a group which incidentally included me. I didn’t know what to speak (which happens in most cases) and I was in a fix! But all I knew was I will definitely take a stand which is not stereotype and that’s how I decided to support the statement but not in a rigid way (rigidity is a strict no-no for GDs).

You can guess how the discussion proceeded! People started saying what life is, how important is it to live and face the challenges (which they said is the most wonderful thing!). They said that the line is a pessimistic one and only a loser will utter such a statement! But amongst this there were some excellent parallels drawn by my friends who talked about the union of science and philosophy through this statement and talked about ‘END PROGRAM’ command of any computer program and it’s significance.

All this while I had I knew that I will be the only one who will like a ‘loser’ support this statement! I took a cue from a friend who talked about time-frame of life and began!

Well the flowers (flora-lovers take note!) many of them live for a day. They blossom and die. Just like that! The best thing about them is definitely the fact that they die in their prime without letting anyone know how it looks a few moments before it’s death!

What about the projects? Isn’t the ending of any project the most wonderful thing?

So isn’t death which redefines the fact that we are after all humans! We all know death is inevitable so why don’t we stand up and say that it is what makes us complete! If you are a believer in life after death you’ll be so happy to be relieved of all this worldly sins and who knows Peter might call your name!

And don’t we all believe that ‘we live in deeds and not in years'
Then there are those painters-you name them- Van Gogh, Da Vinci etc. all got their recognition after death (only because they had no Madhuri Dixit that time to create a M.F. Hussain). And how about our beloved Micheal Jackson ? The moment the man (?) dies Wikipedia crashes, the media goes in a tizzy and why? Definitely not to tell us about his child abuse history but how great he was! Trust me if MJ is reading this he would be winking and agreeing that there couldn’t be a wonderful thing as death simply because he is revered now more than ever!

In the GD the most relevant example I could give was of this nuisance called ‘love’ which happens (‘keeps happening’ for some but not me!). So isn’t ending this the most wonderful thing you can do when you know you can’t sustain it, when you know probably he/she is much better off without you? If you believe that this is actually love and it’s not working, without a shadow of doubt termination will be ‘the most wonderful thing’ (Yah, You might be called names like ‘martyr’! But back yourself!)

End of flashback of 14th January!

But yes I got some reviews from my teacher which I’m sure you’ll find ‘MOST WONDERFUL’. She said apart from all good things (which I’m too modest to mention!), my gestures and the way I spoke I came across as someone who is ‘always right’ and my body language suggested ‘I’m the best’! My friends added words like ‘superiority-complex’ in the friendly banter! All of this was said in good humour!

Friends!, the kind of person I am, I have always encouraged views and reviews regarding me and my behavior. I always like people telling my cons on my face and that’s how I work on improving myself. Sometimes it’s hard but after taking all of this I can assure you nothing has ever been harder for me! And if you want to criticize me you are always welcome!
And that is easily ‘THE MOST WONDERFUL THING’ about my life……….

My Divine Interest

Maybe I never held your hand
Because all I wanted was to stay behind.
To get all the bliss from your astounding success,
I prayed day and night and lost those seconds.
Each time life created a recess
And my self-confidence went to pieces
it was always you who glued those bits.
Everything you said is in my mind, treasured
Everything you have done is fondly remembered.

Self-sympathy is what i will be always accused of
But trust me with you around I had no pains to speak of.
And why will I sympathise with myself?
After God has blessed me with happiness in your form himself.
The last thing I would do is jeopardise your life.
With all the false malice that has been a knife.
Every second it keeps cutting a thread
Only to leave me hanging against my head.

There are no questions in the corners of my mind
Because I always knew I will not be your find
But I request you not to force my already tightened grip,
Because the sand is slipping between my fingers into the pit
The few particles which still remain,
let me keep them and wipe off my pain.
For all the countless bliss we have had,
For all the dreams that we shared,
For all the motivations i used to get
And for the few moments that are left
I can't let your words butcher my divine interest.
Let these last moments not just be a wait.
Allow me to treasure my divine interest...

Surreal but nice

 
You must have spent it with friends and/or family. I’m talking about the moment when the minute-hand of the clock just overtook the hour-hand in your watch for the first time in 2010. Guess where I was? On a train or should I be specific in saying that I spent my New-Year in an ordinary sleeper class coach of ‘The Invincible’ Indian Railways! I wasn’t alone, I had three college mates who were well wrapped up in their respective berths and probably wondering how we lost the debate…Nevertheless both me and my ‘never-say-die spirit’ were alive and kicking! Even with the pain of a ‘No-Service’ display on my cell phone on such a night I made it a point to note how the 72-odd people were spending their New-Year…

Suddenly there was this sound of loud claps and someone singing a Bollywood number in a horrible tone. Before you presume it was someone celebrating the New-Year let me tell you it was someone begging right in the midnight and they were a group of eunuchs. I handed them a ten-rupee note and one of them blessed me. Maybe it was because I was scared of their abusive behavior.‘They are a menace I tell you!’ my fellow passenger commented. I didn’t say anything and even though I agreed within my conscience didn’t. I thought what is it that forces some-one to beg and yet collect money out of threat and that too at the onset of a New-Year? Then came the recollection-Every form that I fill the column of sex has two options only. I’m sure you have your own version how these people (if you consider them so!) tormented you. But have you ever thought how much we torment them? Every little child born as eunuch is found hours later in a dustbin or in front of the door of a NGO. We are scared of them as if they were the devils straight out of Arabian Nights! As the group passed away my compartment I smiled within for the simple reason that I was blessed by a human (and not an eunuch) right at the start of a New-year! You may say that the blessings were bought by the ten-rupee note but I don’t mind buying it from someone who has faced society’s wrath from birth! Imagine yourself in such a condition and I assure you blessing someone would be very difficult!

As they passed away our compartment I could hear the faint noises of the crackers being blown-up outside from the tightly shut windows of the train. And suddenly I looked up to see a kid peeping from his momma’s lap. Cute he was and so was his smile! It’s true that whenever a kid smiles at you he takes way all your worldly problems with him and you discover that the world is indeed easy. Same happened with me. He was in the upper berth and I wasn’t sure of his intentions as he stooped lower and lower. Maybe he was planning to take a jump showing his true adventurous instinct and why not? He belongs to the coming generation of this roaring and super successful Indian youth! Taking a plunge and venturing into unknown waters is in his blood! After all you, me and everybody bank on this little kid to take a jump and leap ahead. He has such an important job on his shoulders! He’ll carry us in the future on these very shoulders. As I got excited his mom tapped him gently on his back and pulled him back. Not this time! But I signaled him that we all are waiting for him to take that giant leap and winked at him. He smiled back and I know he’ll jump someday!

As all this silent conversation was going between the kid and me, the train halted in an unknown station. It was 12.30 now and half of the people were sleeping. A group of four friends boarded the train. All were in their early twenties singing a weird ‘Happy-new-Year’ song. However weird it may be, the camaraderie and the passion were on full display. I admired their crazy celebrations and enjoyed within knowing that some bonds are never meant to be broken. I’m sure they will remember the night as much as I would. But for entirely different reasons of course..

As the clock approached one in the morning with vicious slowness my eyelids started giving in to the tired mind! I don’t know when I wrapped myself and lost myself in my first dream of 2010.